The desire to help is built into our design. We see it everywhere; friends gather to hug and cook for a sick beloved, strangers rush to assist in a disaster, women and men leave safety to fight for freedom.

We’re made for goodness, but sometimes a true desire becomes thwarted and adds to suffering.

Let’s explore the pitfalls in “helping” to free up the potential.

When helping veers off course

It goes something like this….

We become aware of suffering. Perhaps a friend is crushed with grief, a hurricane destroys a town, a nation is ravaged by war.

We recognize the pain and need. The impulse to help bubbles up.

We worry about the plight of the one/s suffering.

If a solution is not obvious we begin to feel stressed.

Stress leads to overwhelm and frustration.

We look around for someone or something to blame for the plight of the suffering one/s.

Worry, overwhelm and frustration spill over into feeling helpless.

Now, we’re lost. Floundering in our own suffering. We’ve added to suffering, not relieved it.

Actions, if we can mobilize to take them, arise out of anxiety, frustration and helplessness and slip into wanting to control the other/situation for the outcome to suit us – to alleviate our own suffering.

Can you feel the contraction of this spiral?

What’s on offer, here, in the exploration of who and what we really are, is to see through the downward spiral and transform our helping into real healing.

Free of the belief of a “me” and a “them”

Let’s start with being aware of a belief we’re all raised with; that we are separate. Separate from each other. Separate from animals. Separate from trees. Separate from far flung situations.

This belief creates the perception of a “me” that needs to help “them.”

And yet, this belief is unsupported. Modern biology tells us that every inch of our body is porous. Quantum physics tells us that we’re made of an infinite field of energy appearing as separate forms that flicker in and out of view. Spiritual teachings talk of the essential unity of all of Life.

If it were true that we are separate from each other; we cannot truly help that which is separate from us.

It might appear, in the illusory play of the world, that we can impact another. But an attempt to help, sprung from the belief in being separate, only reinforces the perception that we’re separate. Which leads away from peace, leads away from truth, leads away from wholeness and healing.

When it comes to real helping we must recognize this belief at play and let it dissolve in the light of consciousness.

True helping happens when the belief “we are separate” is seen for what it is; a very convincing belief seeming to be true that, nevertheless, creates an illusion.

It’s when the veil of separation falls away we can truly ‘be’ with another – whether at the bedside or in heart-felt thoughts.

Let Love “do” the helping

When we question and see through the belief in separation we fall back into the reality of our being.

We are love. We are peace. We are an ever present open loving presence.

Rest, as presence – get close up to the pain. Let suffering crack open your heart. Notice how your heart envelopes pain and suffering in the spaciousness of love.

Instead of feeling burdened and helpless, let presence hold suffering and uplift you and others.

Breathe the buddhist practice of tonglen; inhale pain and suffering – your own and others – exhale compassion, peace and healing.

Just as there is no separation between an in-breath and an out-breath. There is no separation between, “you” and “me,” “me” and “them.” We are all uplifted in meeting suffering with the power of love and presence.

And if, resting in and as presence and love, the impulse to take action in the world arises. Allow your actions to express the love, peace and wholeness of your being.

When there is no “me” doing the helping, and no “them” receiving the help – then actions become truly helpful. Dissolving the separation between us and transforming our world back into love.



Come and explore reality.
Join us in the next Awakening Circle.

The Awakening Circle is a space where limiting, restrictive beliefs are lovingly recognized and unravelled. To clear blocks that veil our shared, true nature; happiness, peace, wholeness and creative potential.

This shift re-sets your mind-body to harmonize and synchronize with the flow of life to deliver ease of being, clarity and peace in all aspects of daily life.

If you’re curious to know who and what you really are, I’d love for you to join us.

The Awakening Circle – click to find out more.

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