“What’s wrong with me?”
“Why can’t I …….'”(fill in the blank).
What fills the blank starts out harmless; juggle, crack an egg with one hand, curl my tongue.
But then advances to; sing, dance, feel at ease at a party all the way to; stop anxiety, lose weight, get well, make money, attract a partner and do what I love.
Lickety-split, what’s in the blank is slam-dunk evidence that something is “wrong with me.”
And it hurts. The thing in the blank that you can’t do/have hurts and the feeling there’s something “wrong with me.”
What’s going on? How does a breathing-heart-beating-human at the top of the evolutionary ladder end up convinced there is something “wrong with me?”
Gather round. Time for a huddle.
The great illusion maker
The moment when “X” doesn’t happen is a pivotal, life altering moment.
How? Because “X” is either met by the measuring stick of the conditioned-belief-made-mind or met in the spacious benevolence of the heart.
It’s this fork in the road that determines whether suffering is on the other side of the “X” moment or whether happiness, healing and potential thrive.
When “X” is met by the conditioned-mind the “X” moment is either right or wrong, success or failure.
And when the mind concludes that “X” is wrong it turns vigilant. It looks for the next “X” moment to try to avoid or fix it.
If “X” continues to happen the mind stores each moment as evidence that there must be something “wrong with me.” This is the path of suffering.
This path is created by the conditioned-mind, otherwise known the great illusion maker.
Wielding its measuring stick, the conditioned-ego-mind has the power to make “me” miserable or jubilant, deflated or uplifted.
The mind does not question whether its measuring stick is truly helpful, nor does it question if there really is a “me” that can be “wrong.”
And when the mind is taken as the truth-teller suffering always lies just around the corner and the Truth (what’s really going on) may as well be a world away.
The great reality maker
If healing, peace and freedom from suffering is our desire we eventually tire of mind-made reality and stumble into the kind of understanding we explore here.
Here, instead of buying into the belief of a “wrong me” we turn to inward, to the presence of awareness, and re-orient the viewpoint from which “X” and “me” are observed.
Awareness does not possess a measuring stick. It opens to all moments equally, with curiosity, clarity and perspective.
From this vantage point we begin to glimpse that who we really are is not a limited, faulty, broken person who can’t do or have “X.”
It begins to dawn on us that our true nature is more like the sky; light filled, infinite, always present.
Even on a cloudy day, when we’re consumed with “something is wrong with me” thoughts, our true nature, like the the sky, is right here, bright and expansive, just beyond the cloud cover.
As we rest back and relax in being-aware it makes no sense to buy into the mind’s conclusion that something is “wrong with me.” That would be the equivalent of the sky trying to squeeze itself into a thundercloud to claim that “I am a dark cloud.”
The path home
The path that leads to peace, healing and unconditional happiness begins with stepping towards painful moments with curiosity.
Feeling into discomfort without trying to fix, deny, or take it as proof of something “wrong with me.”
What opens out is a fascinating exploration of how our body-mind and world manifest. And how our innate gifts and potential is obscured by buying into inaccurate conclusions of the mind.
Resting as awareness, the illusion of mind-made suffering is seen, met with love and integrated.
This kind of seeing – with awareness – sees through the mind-made story of ‘me’ and allows habitual blocks and painful patterns to fall away.
What unfolds is a home-coming. Embodiment. When the idea that who we really are IS whole, complete, infinite creative potential, comes alive in our bones, not just our intellect.
We are set free. Free of suffering a reality that is not designed to deliver the truth of our being nor the incredible potential we are.
So, next time “X” appears to be proof that something is “wrong with me.” Remember this is the great illusion at play.
Just beneath the surface you are here. Pure, infinite potential, ready to create a life that expresses and reflects unique gifts, healing potential and happiness.
Enjoy simply being you.
Coming Soon . . .
Awaken Your Heart 2022
Ten years ago I led my first Awaken Your Heart online course (back then it was called Let Go Let Love).
Prompted by feedback from participants about how the teachings continue to transform how they navigate an uncertain world I’m getting ready to hold an updated, sixth edition of the course. Details coming soon.
The Awakening Circle
Join us for this months Awakening Circle. It’s our regular monthly gathering where we rest back into being the truth of our Self. Join live or get the recording.
Limiting beliefs are lovingly questioned and unraveled. Blocks that veil our true nature fall away to reveal happiness, peace and wholeness which allows us to live as freedom, love and infinite creative potential.
If this calls to you, I’d love for you to join us.
