“What do I say to someone who…..(fill in the blank)……is grieving for their mother…..was fired from their job…..has a cancer diagnosis….suffers from depression…..?”

This question is a perennial. It springs up every year in client conversations. The circumstances prompting the question change but the deeper question stays the same; “What can I say that will help my friend feel better?”

The answer is simple, but deceptive. Let’s look at an example….

A child falls down in the playground. He grazes his knee and it’s bleeding. He runs over to his mother trembling with tears.

His mother instinctively checks her son’s knee, cleans it with a tissue, looks for other signs of injury all the while gently repeating “It’s OK. You’re OK. It’s OK. You’re OK”.

The child’s sobs subside, bleeding slows and seconds later the child hops off his mother’s knee and runs back to join his friends.

What happened? What made his mother’s words so impactful?

Let’s slow this down.

In fact, for perspective, let’s rewind to when the child was born.

Despite its’ cries and blemished, wrinkled skin the mother saw a perfect, radiant baby. She saw love at the heart of his being reflecting her own essence.

And so it was, when the same child ran, crying, to his mother…..deep down, she did not see a broken child running towards her, she only saw the truth of his being; perfect and whole.

And from this heartfelt place and space she paid attention, acted from clarity; examined his knee, cleaned the wound, checked for other injury, reassured him and told the truth…..

“It’s OK”.

Meaning: this moment may be painful and hard but nothing has changed.

Life, as always, is at your back. Here, right now, the intelligence animating all of life continues to upwell, renew, repair, restore and support you.

Then she added: “You’re OK”.

Meaning: what you is more than a body. What you are is more than what you think you are.

You, the essence you are, is unbreakable, indivisible and infinite.

You, the truth of you, is perfect, whole and complete.

This simple message; ‘It’s OK. You’re OK’, spoken from the heart, resonated deeply for the child.

Because when the truth of who and what we are is expressed a transformational space forms within which fear and insecurity fall away and healing happens.

It’s that simple.

And in case you’re thinking, “What if someone has more than a grazed knee, is faced with terminal illness or something?” The same applies.

See your friend as they really are. See them whole, perfect and complete.

And from this space let this truth create a loving presence that envelops your beloved and beckons their attention home.

And if words don’t come, simply be with them. Conscious that the infinite eternal presence of love they are is not broken, lacking of damaged.

Nothing and no one escapes the peace and calm of this truth.

What do you say to someone?

It’s simple.

Tell the truth.


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