I wrapped up my Heart of Relationships course a week or so ago.

Goodness me, it was packed with, well, the goodness of healing and joy that flows from deep insights.

One comment lingered and I thought it might be a good reflection for Heart Notes.

A participant shared:

“I try really hard to fit in but I don’t feel I belong”.

They were talking about their interactions in a friendship group but feeling awkward or out of place could happen in any group; profession, religion, political party, sport, race, culture, even family.

The conditioned mind (ego) tends to interpret awkwardness to mean; ‘There’s something wrong with me’, or the projected version, ‘There’s something wrong with them’.

But what if feeling ‘different’ and ‘don’t belong’ is a fork in the road moment; to take the path to fit in, or take the path of authenticity.

I encouraged the participant to lean in the direction of curiosity not judgment.

Conclusions about who and what we are made from negative judgments tend to trigger coping strategies to fix, change, or improve yourself, or the situation.

But no coping strategy leads to peace.

At best coping strategies are a temporary bandaid. At worst they are desperate attempts to feel good that exhaust and deplete the mind and body.

Next, I invited the participant to consider the nature of their true self.

Who and what you really are is whole and complete.

You lack nothing.

Your ‘different-ness’ is a unique expression of the whole.

What you are is seamlessly connected to all of life.

It is impossible to not belong. What you are is life itself.

From the perspective of the true self feeling ‘different’ or ‘not belonging’ is a signal from your inner compass that the situation in front of you does not resonate with the truth of you.

This is a moment of clarity, not judgment of self or others.

Nurture the uniqueness of you.

Stay true to your Self.

You belong in and as the love, peace and presence that is your true Self.

With patience you will be drawn to, or draw to you, people and situations that reflect back the truth of you.

Simply be you and you’ll find you belong everywhere.


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