Over the past 30 years I’ve worked with a full array of human conditions; addiction, cancer, psychosis, trauma, insomnia, relationship breakdown, infertility, grief, depression, allergies… the list goes on.

Having worked with parents, CEO’s, doctors, psychiatrists, writers, musicians, ministers, accountants, therapists, gardeners… this list also goes on, it’s clear to me that human problems don’t discriminate between one type of person and the next. And yet, underneath the diversity of human problems, one common issue invariably emerges in my work with clients.

Within a few days, weeks or months of working together there comes a kind of confession moment. At least this is how I’ve come to treat the moment. It’s when a client shares, sometimes openly, but usually with hesitation, that they don’t know what love feels like.

I’m not talking here about the feeling of falling into romantic love. The love my clients are referring to is the love we hear about in spiritual teachings, in poetry, in inspirational books and in the promptings of our heart. It’s the love contained in the notion that we are loved because we exist, that we are loved because we are children of the universe.

Goldfish hold a clue

You’ve probably heard the story about the goldfish who doesn’t know what water feels like. Born in water, swimming, breathing and sleeping in water, the goldfish has no experience of water because it has no experience of being outside of water.

This story points to how it is that universal love is so elusive to us. We are born into a sea of love. This sea of love and energy is both the fabric of our body and being, and the intelligence at the heart of us. We don’t experience being loved because we don’t recognize that we are love.

Falling in love

When the confession moment happens in my work with clients, it marks the real beginning of the healing work. It’s when a client is ready to discover the love they are at their core, deeper than their roles and problems.

At this juncture the work shifts away from trying to fix or manipulate the symptoms on the surface of their life, to the source. And, the discovery is made that the solution to healing both the feeling of not knowing what it feels like to be loved, and all manner of problems, is the same. The solution is to fall in love with yourself.

Instructions for falling in love with yourself

1. The idea that you don’t know what love is creates a false impression in you. The more you believe that you don’t know what love feels like, the stronger becomes your perception that love is somewhere, or somehow, beyond you, and the more intense becomes the pain, problems and struggle in your life. To remedy, contemplate that the feeling of not knowing what it feels like to be loved, is simply a false feeling. Begin to open to the possibility that you are love.

2. Make it a habit to sit in silence every day. Start with 5 minutes and work up to 20 minutes or more. You don’t need to be in a completely silent environment. Sit and listen to the silence in and around you. Attuning yourself in this way trains your consciousness to listen beyond the static in your energy field and life, to the sea of love and intelligence of the universe.

3. Stop looking for, or expecting, the experience of feeling loved to be a felt as an emotion. Universal love is subtle. It’s more a force than a feeling. When you drop seeking love, your inner perception clarifies and you’ll sense, or know, the love you are at your core.

What is your experience of feeling loved? Share in the comments below.