“It’s not fair” bawled the three year old. His sister had just been handed a cone with two scoops of chocolate ice cream. He clutched a cone with just one.
I looked over at the parents as they tried to appease him. I imagined they’d figured that one scoop was enough for his small body. And his pudgy hands could just about handle a single scoop cone. While his sister, who looked a good five years older, was big enough for the larger treat.
I can’t know for certain, but I got the impression his parents were acting in his best interest.
But from the perspective of the three year old it was an early lesson that life is not fair.
Why it doesn’t matter
Where ever you look you’ll find unfairness.
From the flurry of aphids that land on your rose bushes, not your neighbors. The bolt of lightening that burns through scarce old growth forest. To the drought that decimates crops.
Even in the highest courts in the land. Where the concept of justice is held in the utmost regard. Injustice and unfairness happens.
But there’s one pivot and one place where harmony reigns.
For every random or intended act of unfairness there is one constant saving grace.
Your capacity to pull back from listening to the “it’s not fair” commentary in your head. And to turn instead towards the center of your being.
Inside your heart a change in perspective happens.
Instead of thinking that what’s happening is happening to you (and it’s either good or bad). You begin to tap a deeper wisdom that knows that everything is happening for you.
I like to put it like this: Everything. Everything. Everything. No matter if its seems otherwise. Is somehow supporting you.
This notion does not deny that bad things are bad. Nor is it permission to be indifferent to suffering.
It’s an invitation to discover the universal principle that nothing is as it appears to be.
Ice cream appears real to your physical senses and on this level of perception is delicious.
But your heart secretly knows that the universe is not made of matter. It’s made of Love.
With this understanding no amount of ice-cream, ‘stuff’ or praise truly matters. Whether you get one scoop or one hundred and one, you know you’re being handed the same substance: Love.
This realization changes your life forever.
Instead of interpreting life solely with your physical senses you begin to taste life’s essential sweetness with your heart.
Granted, on some days, in the face of pain, you may need to turn again and again to set your gaze upon your heart. But each time you do, you’ll find the peace that comes with a fresh perspective and the feeling of sufficiency up-welling directly from source.
With patience the sting of unfairness turns into the question: Can you feel this pain so that it burns a path to your heart in a way that refusing to feel never will?
Can you allow compassion to break through. Compassion for the hurt, and for the agent that dealt the blow?
And your heart will sing to you: Let go expecting life to be fair.
Every moment shimmers with spirit. And your embrace of unfairness sets your life ablaze with beauty.
Love the message that: “Everything. Everything. Everything. No matter if its seems otherwise. Is somehow supporting you.”
Over the recent while, amidst gratitude for unexpected blessings in my life, I’ve been super-conscious that so, so many things had to happen exactly the way they happened to be where they are today (including major heartbreaks and upheavals over the past 5, 10, 20 years).
Thank you for a beautiful post, Fiona!
You’re welcome, Dana. So much harvesting the unexpected fruits of your life happening.
This article arrived with perfect timing–as usual. A beloved friend was in an auto accident on Saturday. Yesterday she called me crying and said, “It’s not fair. I did nothing wrong.” Her focus on unfairness, pain and loss added much suffering to her experience. I made the mistake of offering the idea that there’s purpose in the event. Her rebuke was swift. I recognized that I needed to shift my attitude and just listen to her grief. It is not my place to try to “fix” her state of mind. She wanted a shoulder to cry on, and I could provide that safe space for her. I know she will get through this, and her attitude of suffering will lighten-up in time. I will share this article with her in a few days when I believe she can hear your beautiful insight (IN SIGHT!). Thank you, Fiona. Shine on!
Love how you recognized was needed in the moment, Jordan. So much clear perception there.
Thank you for this, Fiona. Such an enormous shift happens when I realize everything happens FOR me.
So glad you feel the tangible shift, Leslie. It’s a shift that changes everything. Not just for yourself but changes the world too.
The “I wonder what this is for?” Question Has changed everything for me. Cause and effect; questions and answers arrive in warp speed when we really want to know.. Thank you for confirming:)
I love that question, Gail. It lifts consciousness into curiosity, which is always freeing.
Such a beautiful article, Fiona. I especially love your question… “Can you feel this pain so that it burns a path to your heart in a way that refusing to feel never will?”. I find there are always gifts to be received when I do this, even if it takes me a while to see this at times.
Thank you, Lure. Isn’t it’s a marvelous surprise to discover gifts hidden in pain.