When talking about love one critical thing needs to be on the table; love is our true nature, it is the essential quality and essence of our being.
And, just like an underground spring does not need to manufacture the rainwater that feeds it, we don’t need to create love or try to keep it alive.
So when we’re trying to keep love alive in intimate relationships the real question is “how can we be the love we are?”
Falling in love
When two people meet and a spark of romance occurs, the movement of energy stimulates subtle energy in our mind and body and draws love to the surface. We literally begin to radiate love.
Our lover becomes a mirror, reflecting back to us the love we already are but have not been fully conscious of before.
The problem comes when we make the conclusion that the feeling of love is flowing from our partner, rather than arising from the depths of our core.
If we continue to look for love from our partner after the rush of romance has died down it’s inevitable that we’ll be disappointed.
The ideal love
The desire for connection with others is human and healthy but this desire is usually accompanied by another desire; the desire to be in control.
The impulse to control means we tend to want our partner to fit the idea of our perfect mate, but of course our partner can only be who they are.
When two individuals try to control each other the relationship dynamic turns into a power struggle. Each partner wants what they want from the other, rather than wanting what their partner wants.
It’s at this point that many relationships begin to fail and fall apart, but what has really happened is that each partner has fallen into the habit of looking for love outside of themselves rather than staying anchored in the love at their core.
The surrender to love
Relationships can become stuck in power struggle for years. Either harshly fought as conflict and hurt, or as silent retreating and bearing resentment.
Yet the fountain of love that is present in the romance stage still bubbles below the surface of our exterior.
If we are willing, we can allow the pain and disappointment of relationship to lead us to surrender. Not to surrender the possibility of love, but to surrender our desire to be in control.
The love at our core
The deep letting go of trying to control our partner opens us up to feel again the love we are in our core.
In the sweet relaxation of surrender our hearts and minds rest in remembering the peace and love of our true nature. A deep satisfaction follows that is independent of whether we are in relationship or not.
This resting is not a languishing kind of resting, it’s an energized peace and an energized love. Just as fresh spring water rises pure and clean the way forward becomes clear.
With clear perception we know what our relationship needs to nurture and deepen it, and we also know if the relationship is to end. We know these things not out of disappointment, judgement or clinging, but out of deeply sensing what movement serves Love.
The spirit of Love
When we consciously embody the energy and vibration of love we can’t help but show up as love in our lives, and this means we don’t need to stop loving when a relationship ends.
In surrendering to the love we are, we are free to love those we are drawn to, as well as those we are letting go.