When I was about seven years old, I remember thinking that I was all grown up. The qualifiers? I was reading, writing and riding a bicycle. The world was a vast and exciting place.

The biggest qualifier though was the realization that friendships with boys might be something more than simply having a play mate. I was waking up to the world of relationships, love and attraction.

My girlfriends even taught me a measuring stick to discover if I was in love or not. It was called the daisy petal method. This involved picking a fresh daisy. Then, holding a boy in mind we’d pick the petals one by one saying “He loves me, he loves me not.” The final petal revealed the truth.

A haphazard way of navigating relationships? Yes, but be honest, how often do you fall in out and out of love based on insubstantial evidence?

Let’s take a look at a more reliable way.

The basics

Love is a very big topic, so let’s begin with the fundamentals.

It’s not possible to love another unless you are in love with yourself.

True love is knowing that the essence of you is love. When you know that love is at the heart of your being, you begin to see that everyone is lovable for who they are at their core.

Love is also very efficient. If you get a handle on fundamental #1; loving yourself, fundamental #2; the ability to connect to the essence of another, takes care of itself.

The litmus test

When a client comes to me we always begin with fundamental #1. Do you love yourself?

Pause and ask yourself this question. Do you love yourself? If you can say, “Yes I love all of me, the good parts and the bad.” You’re set. You’ve done the groundwork. You’re predisposed to create a life you enjoy. You’re primed to connect with others at their deepest level, to create relationships that lean towards being authentic, honest and real.

If your answer is “No I don’t like myself. I dislike this, this and this about me. I only like this about me.” We know some healing is needed.

Your personality

“But I’ve never liked this about me. There’s nothing I can do, it’s my personality” is a common response when I open the conversation that self love is the key happiness. You too might think you’re saddled with your personality and have to lump it or like it. Or, perhaps you’ve tried the personal development route where you work to make the good bits stronger and keep the bad bits under control.

But, what if your personality, all of it – what you like and what you don’t like, holds the key to finding love at the core of you? I invite you to open to this possibility because your personality is not the final word about you. It’s not the real you. When you learn to decode it’s structure your personality shows you how to connect with your deepest essence. The real you that is always at peace, alive and clear about what brings you real joy and satisfaction.

There’s a beautiful and profound tool to help you decode your personality. It’s called the Enneagram. It’s a tool I’ve used and benefitted from. I’m not an expert at teaching the Enneagram but I know someone who is. Her name is Janette Blakemore and I’ll be interviewing her in a live seminar in a few weeks. If you’re serious about finding the real you and living your most expanded life, join us.

No charge teleseminar

Join me in this free live call to find out how your personality type is designed to reveal your true nature.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAOn Wednesday, April 2nd at 11 am Pacific, I’ll be interviewing a friend and colleague of mine and authorized teacher of the Enneagram, Janette Blakemore.

Topic: Windows to your soul – Discover your true nature with the wisdom of the Enneagram.

The Enneagram is a powerful and transformative map of personality types which helps you connect with and live from your higher potential. After the interview Janette will offer live guidance and expert mentoring.

When:Wednesday, April 2nd, 2014

Time:11 am Pacific/2 pm Eastern/7 pm UK

Register by clicking here.

When you’ve checked out Windows to your Soul, let me know what questions you’d like me to ask Janet. Write your questions here.

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