“You’re not listening to me!”
This kind of ouch goes both ways. It touches the ‘talker’ and the ‘listener’.
The ‘talker’ feels unacknowledged and misunderstood. The ‘listener’ feels under appreciated and rejected.
Painful listening moments undermine the best of relationships. So, what’s the remedy? What makes listening nourishing and affirming?
Let’s take a look in both directions.
For the listener:
Consider this: there are two kinds of listening; (1) listening from your ego-mind, (2) listening from your heart.
1.Your ego-mind listens to surface content, not what lies deeper.
What gets heard is what remains after passing through mind-made filters of judgments, beliefs, assumptions, expectations and opinions.
There is nothing to judge here. This is simply an opportunity to recognize that your ego-mind prevents you from seeing, hearing, and sensing the deeper truth of what your friend is saying.
Sooner or later ego-mind listening leads to the pain of disconnect.
This pain point is a turning point. To turn within. To move towards the pain. To open wide. To allow the pain to soften and dissolve. To reveal the presence of your heart – pure open loving awareness. For deep listening to happen.
2. Heart-based listening listens for where words come from.
Sometimes words are an expression of the ‘talkers’ true self – arising from pure, unguarded, undistorted love.
When this is the case, your heart senses beauty and love streaming through their words no matter how muddled or challenging they appear on the surface.
At other times the ‘talker’ might sound articulate but your heart senses unspoken shame, fear or insecurity under the surface.
When this is the case, your heart flows flows compassion, love and understanding. To your friend and to yourself. Because hidden pain is a shared human trait. And acknowledged pain is a shared healing.
For the talker:
Consider this: there are two kinds of talking; (1) talking from ego-story-of-me, (2) talking from the heart of your being.
1.Talking from the ego-story-of-me is what humans are conditioned to do. There is nothing to judge here. Simply an opportunity to recognize the story-of-me is a smoke screen. It prevents your ‘listener’ from seeing, hearing, and sensing the beauty and love of the truth of you.
Sooner or later the story-of-me leads to feeling un-heard and misunderstood.
This point is a turning point. To turn within. To move towards the pain. To open wide. To allow the pain to soften and dissolve. To reveal the presence of your true self – pure, whole, love and presence.
2. Heart-based talking comes from the unbroken, whole, and complete place and space of your true self.
From this space your heart burns through distorted ego-beliefs of shame, insecurity, and unworthiness.
Then your words become an expression of unguarded, un-programmed, undistorted love.
When this is the case, your ‘listener’ senses beauty and love streaming through your words no matter how muddled or challenging your words appear on the surface.
At other times, when you fall back into the habit of telling the ego-story-of-me, your awakened heart senses the pain and flows compassion, love and understanding. To yourself and your ‘listener’. Because hidden pain is a shared human trait. And acknowledged pain is a shared healing.
Whether talking or listening. Don’t hold back.
Both are opportunities to hear, sense and know the undeniable truth beneath and beyond words – that what we are is the presence of love.
A place and space to go deeper…Join us in the Awakening Circle
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As this understanding integrates we live more and more in alignment with love, integrity, and authentic purpose.
Members have access to one live meeting a month, a monthly video reflection, and answers to questions via email and video Q and A.
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