Last week I was moved by a startlingly honest and inspiring conversation with Heart Notes readers in my Find Certainty in Uncertainty webinar.
During the call we explored how to make a stand for what matters to us without rejecting people who have a different view.
Today, I wanted to share one of the ‘aha’s’ that arose on the call about the power of agreeing to disagree.
I hope you’ll find something here that gives you a fresh perspective disagreements. And if you’d prefer to listen rather than read click here for the highlights.
3 ways to right an upset
We’ve all experienced it.
At work, in our family, between friends.
The moment when what matters to you is at odds with what someone else believes.
No big deal, you might think. We’re all different so we’re bound to have different views. But some disagreements begin with a seemingly insignificant issue like; how often the garbage should be taken out, and end up creating a rift that spans years or even generations.
And then, on the world stage, there’s the devastating outcome when a disagreement between nations leads to war.
So how do we build bridges with people who have different views?
1. A different view point does not make us, or ‘them’, wrong.
When we begin to understand how the human experience is created, we see that our experience comes from our state of mind. If we’re convinced that we’re risk if things don’t go our way. We end up feeling stressed and fearful when things don’t play out the way we want.
Trying to defend and justify what matters to us only adds fuel to the fire because it makes the other person wrong and stirs up even more insecure thinking. But the moment we notice our, or our friends, state of mind we begin to see that there’s a difference between our beliefs and our shared humanity.
Then we’re able to drop judging the person in front of us (we may still disagree with their beliefs), but the key thing is; seeing this difference softens the atmosphere.
Which makes it easier to….
2. Agree to disagree.
Agreeing to disagree might not appear to be a bridge building moment. But it’s surprisingly helpful and constructive.
When we agree to disagree and stay open to the conversation we create common ground.
In that moment the conversation might come to an end. But the mutual “yes” is a secret sauce moment. It raises the consciousness of each person.
And when our state of mind is raised, deeper wisdom rises up. Wisdom may come as a recognition that more listening is needed. Or time to acknowledge painful feelings. It’ll be different in each situation. But it will always shine new light on the issue.
Then – with a new moment dawning – something marvelous begins to happen…..
Standing on common ground and allowing wisdom to flow transforms the way we see things.
We discover the space that the Persian poet Rumi called the field.
Rumi said it like this: (Translation by Coleman Barks.)
Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing,
there is a field. I’ll meet you there.
When the soul lies down in that grass,
the world is too full to talk about.
Ideas, language, even the phrase each other
doesn’t make any sense.
What Rumi beautifully points to is the fact that a whole new level of understanding opens up when we drop clinging to our personal thinking.
In the instant of softening our grip our mind connects with our heart.
Then we see that we’re all the same. We all want to be safe. To belong. To be accepted, heard, respected and loved.
This understanding may not present an instant solution, but it forges the way to be open to others without resentment, anger or fear.
And creates the possibility to reach across the divide. To say “no” and “yes” with compassion and love. Which is probably one of the most worthwhile, if not life saving, things we can do.
Are you on course for 2017?
Are you on an even keel as you head into 2017? Or lurching from side to side?
This is the perfect time of take stock. To see where you are and determine if you’re on course to discover the remarkable difference of living from your potential, not a repetition of the past.
If you’d like to get crystal clear about what’s going to move you forward. Sign up for a discovery conversation. You’ll come away with a much clearer understanding about how to live an inspired life.
Thanks for spending a few minutes here today. If you have friends, clients or colleagues who could do with a boost, send them this link to sign up for their own copy: http://fionamoore.com/heart-notes